Yesterday, ironically Father’s Day, we discovered that we were expecting baby # 2. While I know I should see that as none other than a blessing, I instead find myself overwhelmed with fear instead. Of course, pretty much a week after my daughter was born, people started asking when we were going to have another baby. (Seriously) I used to jokingly tell them, “As soon as they go on sale and I have a printable coupon!” But finances aside and on a personal note, this has sparked several real fears in me.
See, the dilemma here is that the day I looked into my daughter Leila’s eyes for the first time, I decided that I would never be able to love another person that much. How could I? She was as perfect as can be. The joy, the thrills, the butterflies, the buzz– how can that be duplicated? How do you introduce baby number #2 and he or she not feel shorted?
I mean, when you think about it, baby #1 really had the world at her fingertips. She had a name before she even had a body. She had a fan club like a superstar, filled with endless love and support from first time grandparents, aunts, uncles and other loved ones. She had the benefit of big hopes and dreams, excluding a hope that she’d meet an expectation set by an older sibling. Best of all, she had parents who spent hours upon hours basking in the joy, the thrills, the butterflies, and the buzz brought about by baby #1.
So here we go, attempting this great adventure once again; only this time – more knowledgeable about the ordeal and less blissful in ignorance. Plus, just when I thought we had adjusted to our new life as one unit, we’re gonna have to start seeing life in twos. Two car seats, two strollers, two day care bills, two beds – or maybe two more kids in our bed! Eek! What will traveling on a plane be like? How do I get 2 kids ready in the morning? Will I have enough space in my house for more pictures? Ok, maybe that last one might be less crucial, but still pretty valid. The bottom line is that our lives are going to change, possibly even more dramatically than the first time around.
Of course we welcome the change and view it all as a blessing from God and maybe I can still call this a joy, a thrill, butterflies and a buzz…But the fear is still there.
Can I be the only mom that feels this way?