The other day I shared about our trip to the Center for Puppetry Arts, but there was one part I left out to the story.
We’d been rushing around that entire morning (surprise, surprise) and I completely neglected to get them lunch before the show. I figured I’d just grab a bag of chips for them to snack on in the theater until after the show. Well…we are seated in the theater and the announcement is made that – wait for it – “Food and drinks are not permitted in the theater.” A very honest confession – I paid it no mind. In fact, I think we’d had pretzels in there last time and the kids proved that they could snack without making a mess and I was down to repeat that. That’s just the rebel in me I guess.
Well, Leila is not a rebel. She refused to break the rules. She turned to me and said, “Mommy, the lady said we can’t eat in here. Can we go eat.” Of course, I didn’t want us to have to leave the show, so I told her it was ok to snack on the chips. She was adamant about the fact that we were told not to and as much as I tried to tell her it was ok, she actually insisted that I ask the girl working in the theater if she could make an exception. We ended up having to leave the theater for a few minutes, so she could eat her chips in the hallway. Really!
That’s very much how Leila is – she plays by the rules. She does what she’s told. She takes pride in being the best behaved and making her teachers proud. Samara, on the other hand, is very much the opposite. She will (unfortunately) gladly break the rules. While Leila is busy and annoying seeking and begging for permission to eat a cookie out of the jar, Samara is already chomping on the last cookie. I shared this observation with some coworkers of mine and they quickly remarked, “Samara is going to be the one to make history one day.”
It dawned on me that the most powerful people in history are those who are simply not afraid to break the rules. They challenge the system and piss a lot of people off, but they somehow end up on top. While I know that is a characteristic that is largely just present at birth, I wonder if some of it is somehow learned behavior. We find ourselves telling our children, “Be a good girl,” “Behave yourself,” “Listen to your elders,” etc – all with good intention. After all, we don’t want to actively raise kids to get suspended from school or even potentially get in bigger trouble as teens. But how do you allow room for just a little rebellion?
So what do you guys think – should you actually encourage or teach your kids to break the rules? If so, how do you do it?
We teach our kiddo to do this quite a bit. Like I mentioned on another site, the women who broke the rules are the ones we thank for fighting for our right to vote, our right to have our own careers, dreams, and goals. I’m raising a proud, strong, independent woman who breaks rules when she feels the need, and we’ve planned it that way. =)
I actually don’t really have many rules to break. But, if there is just ONE RULE, my oldest will make it a point to break it. To him, all rules are arbitrary. He’s stubborn, headstrong, and not willing to accept that something has been forbidden just because some other person says so. He has to know WHY it has been forbidden. And more often than not, it’s really not a good enough reason for him. On the other hand, this rule-breaking has made him a very careful & attentive person. As we have given in to his demands to break rules, we have been forced to take the time to teach him how to do things safely… for example, it’s normally a rule that children don’t handle sharp knives or tend the campfire. But, my son has been doing both of these things since he was a toddler. He’s now 12 and has never been injured by either, has a lot of experience and can do both with precision.
The rules I do have, I have to be OK with them being broken.. to me, rule-breaking has been an important part of my son learning the things he really wants to know, challenging my pre-conceived notions about what children can and cannot do, and becoming self-sufficient at an early age.
My younger son plays it safe. He’s very concerned about not breaking the rules and doing things the right way. They get along very well & these two opposites create an excellent team of balance.
My husband and I teach our children that sometimes it’s necessary to break the rules. We tell them that if those times ever occur that then and only then is it okay for them to do so. We followed up by giving them examples.
We teach our children to break the rules. We teach them that there are rules set for our on good and there are rules that are unjust. Without rule breakers there would never be any improvement.
I think it’s more a matter of teaching them to think for themselves. There is such a fine line between being considerate of others by following rules that are for safety or for the consideration of others and being a total rebel who gets into trouble all the time. I do teach my son to give some thought to whether a rule is fair or appropriate or is just being overly controlling, but I also encourage him to follow rules *most* of the time. For instance, he spends a lot of time in large groups of kids – classes, Scout outings, youth group, etc. And you have to have some rules in place and they need to be followed or you are going to have complete chaos with that many kids.
Love this post!
I’m not mom yet, but I’m often babysittying my nephews & nieces. These stories are very good to learn a lot from them!
You can always ease Leila into rule breaking by saying bending the rule is mostly acceptable. For instance, in the theatre you can say they mean things like sandwiches and meals. Not Snacks like this? (lol) We agree that a little bit of toughness and breaking…or bending certain rules are ok. Just not others that are absolutely detrimental.
for the sometimes ,it’s necessary for the child to break the rules if they are right.
Great post. I do try to teach my kids to do what is logical and think for themselves. But I ask myself this question a lot. Like when we go to the movie theater and I tell them to stick snacks in my bag.
For some reason it also made me think about a conversation I had today. (I’m going so off topic here.) But when my son is playing basketball, he will slow down sometimes and let the other team get the ball. I taught him to share. He will guard from a distance. I taught him to respect people’s personal space. Now I’m trying to un-teach all of these things I’ve taught him on the court. I feel like it’s hard to teach kids that fine line of when to follow the rules and when you have to just do what feels right.
Sorry went off on my own tangent. Anyway. Great post!
That’s a great story, Valerie, and exactly my point. “The rules” are only applicable in certain situations, but in the real world, they have to break some of them in order to succeed.